Not Your Average Party
by Catgirlie
Summary: Draco Malfoy's birthday has arrived, and he's decided to throw a very, er, special party to celebrate. Written for the Twin Exchange Monthly Challenge! Oneshot.


**A/N: My first submission for the Twin Exchange Monthly Challenge! :D**

**Prompt: Nutella**

**Pairing: Hermione/Draco**

**Quote: "I think I'm going to throw up"**

**Theme: Draco Malfoy's birthday party**

**Enjoy! (I don't own Harry Potter, clearly)**

* * *

"What the hell is _wrong_ with you, Malfoy? Can't you have a normal birthday party for once?"

"Clearly, Granger, you just don't understand. Nothing is ever normal with me."

Hermione sighed exasperatedly. "But why a strip club? This is just disgusting. Besides, Lavender Brown has been trying to catch your eye all night from that stage, and the looks that she keeps giving you are simply repulsive."

"As _if _I'd get with Brown. Even I have standards," scoffed Malfoy, gesturing for a waiting to come over. "Anyways, you should appreciate what I've done tonight! This is a private party. And your friends seem to be enjoying themselves, despite the fact that they have _wives._"

"Oh, I know. Pansy's been giving Ron the evil eye since we got here, but he hasn't torn his eyes away from _Lav-Lav_ all night. And I think Ginny wants to kill you for booking this place right now—have you seen how Harry's been gaping at those girls' chests this whole time? He should know that those things are _fake_," Hermione babbled, barely noticing what the waiter had set in front of them.

Draco rolled his eyes and pushed Hermione's plate towards her. "Just eat."

She looked at the plate incredulously. "Wait a second. Is that Nutella? The _Muggle _product?"

"I've taken a liking to it," shrugged Draco. "But tonight, I thought I'd order my favorites…"

"Malfoy, why did you spread Nutella on _sushi_?"

"It's my favorite thing to eat. It's good as comfort food," he said, taking a large bite of his.

Hermione wrinkled her nose as she looked at the bizarre dish. "Maybe I'll pass this time around—"

"No!" Draco interrupted loudly, catching her by surprise. "You have to try it. You _have_ to."

"You sound like Pansy when she's trying to make me buy lingerie," scoffed Hermione. A suggestive look crossed Malfoy's face as she turned red, realizing that she had just told him about _lingerie._ "N-not that I buy anything anyways!"

"Oh, really?"

"Yes, really!" Hermione exclaimed, her face still burning red. "Can we please just move on? I'll even eat this goddamned sushi if I have to."

Draco smirked. "Oh, you really have to."

Somewhat hesitantly, Hermione took a pair of chopsticks off the table—the waiter had set it down next to the plate—and lifted the piece of food to her mouth. Just as she was about to take a bite, she paused. "Do I _really_ have to do this?"

"You really do."

"I don't think I can."

"Then why don't we discuss your choice in lingerie some more?"

"Fine, _fine_, I'll eat it!"

Cringing, Hermione took a tiny bite, making sure that she only ate the sushi, quickly swallowing it. Draco smiled. "See, wasn't that good?"

"Yeah," said Hermione, "it was. Who did you hire to make the sushi? It's so—"

She stopped speaking midsentence, turning a bit green and covering her mouth.

"Oh, you only ate the sushi, didn't you?" Draco said casually. "There's a _reason_ for having the Nutella on top, you know."

All Hermione could say was "I think I'm going to throw up" before dashing to the ladies' room, leaving a laughing Draco behind.

Several minutes passed before Hermione reemerged from the restroom, still looking slightly sick. "Draco Malfoy," she whispered dangerously, eyes narrowing, "what the hell did you do to that sushi?"

He could barely contain his mischievous grin. "I knew you'd try something like that, so I put some of the bad end of your _lovely_ friend George's Puking Pastilles—with a few modifications, of course—into the sushi. I had the other side mixed into the Nutella, so clearly the only way to escape such a predicament as yours would be to eat them _both_."

"I'm lucky that Ron gave me some of those for my birthday," Hermione hissed venomously. "Otherwise I wouldn't have stopped throwing up, and who knows what could have happened then?"

Draco at least had the sense to look abashed. "Sorry, Granger," he mumbled, looking at the ground.

"Oh, what's that? Is that a Malfoy _apologizing_?" Hermione mock-gasped. "I thought I'd never see the day!"

"Shut it, Granger," Draco scowled.

Hermione rolled her eyes, sitting back down again. "I thought we'd established that we'd refer to each other by our first names. Calling each other 'Granger' and 'Malfoy' really doesn't say that we like each other, does it?"

"Well, you started it," he said childishly. Before Hermione could say anything again, he started laughing uncontrollably and fell out of his chair rather ungracefully.

"What?" Hermione demanded. "Did I do something?"

Still guffawing on the floor, Draco pointed towards the direction of the exit, where Ron was being dragged away by two security guards. He was drunkenly bellowing, "C'mon, Lav-Lav! You know you still want me!"

Pansy Parkinson looked scandalized at his behavior. Hermione stood up and walked over to her, patting the horrified girl on the shoulder.

"See why I broke up with him now?"

Pansy said nothing, staring into space with the same expression frozen on her face.

"He doesn't understand the concept of _commitment,_" Hermione said sadly, shaking her head. "Maybe you should've stuck with Draco."

Shaking her head, Pansy said, "I gave up on him years ago. Don't you understand, Hermione? _You're_ the one he's in love with."

"Even before the final battle? I find that hard to believe," Hermione replied, raising an eyebrow.

"No, not really, although I do think that seeing you being tortured that day changed his feelings towards you—it wasn't until you decided to befriend him after his trial that he realized what was happening," Pansy told her. "He really has changed, you know."

"Well, don't make this about me," tutted Hermione, eager to change the subject. "Are you going to divorce Ron? You and I both know that he's done this in your presence too many times to count. Besides, half the time he's a pig! He doesn't even treat you with respect. I think you deserve better!"

"It's true," sighed Pansy. "All of the fame from his part in the war went to his head, I think. In the beginning, he was so perfect for me, but I think he's lost the ability to treat a girl right after all this."

"I hope you do whatever makes you happy, Pansy," Hermione said, embracing her friend. "I've got to go stop Draco; I think he might laugh to death if he goes on for any longer."

Draco was, in fact, still roaring with laughter on the ground. Tears streamed down his face as Hermione rolled her eyes and kicked him in the side.

He stopped suddenly and whined, "Why'd you have to make me stop? I was having a good time, there…"

"Because," Hermione huffed, "too much of a good thing is never good for you! I thought you learned that when you were addicted to apples…"

"That was different!" Draco said defensively. "Apples are delicious! Especially those Granny Smiths…"

"Maybe it was different, but you got so sick afterwards! Anyways, if you'd laughed for any longer, you'd have lost your voice or pulled a muscle! It's happened," Hermione scolded sternly.

Draco scoffed. "Don't be such a s—"

"Draco and Hermiiii-nee, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" a very drunk Harry Potter sang, swaying where he stood next to their table. Apparently, he couldn't handle his alcohol too well. "You-you know, Draaaaay-co, you're a-a lucky man… Ronniekins was trying to get his hands on her for ye-years, but he jus'…" Harry began to trail off near the end of his sentence, his words slurring until he was just about incoherent. From two tables away, a disgusted Ginny Weasley shook her head in shame.

Shoving the intoxicated Harry away from her, Hermione said, flustered, "Don't listen to Harry. He doesn't know what he's talking about!"

"Oh, well, I was just wondering why he was so convinced that we were a couple," Draco smirked. "And he _is_ one of your most trusted friends, so I can't help but thi—"

"BAR FIGHT!" yelled Harry. The man Harry was currently attempting to punch was actually the manager, who just sighed tiredly and snapped his fingers. Two security guards came and retrieved a sluggishly-fighting Harry. Ginny rubbed her temples agitatedly before following the three men.

"Why don't we get out of here? The party is just about over anyways," said Draco.

Hermione huffed, "That's going to give people the wrong idea, you know! This party was already a reporter's heaven, what with both Ron _and_ Harry getting dragged out; what's going to happen if they see us leaving together?"

"What if it _isn't_ the wrong idea?"

"What do you—" Hermione began, squeaking in surprise when Draco kissed her fully on the lips, effectively cutting her off.

"Why don't we head back to your flat?"

Hermione was still too stunned to protest as Draco turned on the spot, her hand in his.

"Well," said Pansy Parkinson, "this party seems to be over."


End file.
